Yogic Parenting
Column 1
Namaste! Thank you for the blessing of your audience. I am so excited for all of us that we have this new forum. It is my intention for the Yogic Parenting Column to be interactive. I look forward to hearing from you. Please share your stories and triumphs as well as questions and concerns.
My definitions: YOGIC- with intention to connect mind/body/spirit (and emotion.)
PARENTING- the most challenging and complicated responsibility in the universe undertaken by everyone with close ties to children. (For which there is usually no preparation or training!)
I believe that there are certain fields of endeavor in which there is a finite body of knowledge and experts can exist. I know that parenting is not one of those fields. Every child is a unique and extraordinary being, combine that with no two situations being identical and all the the parents being unique themselves and it becomes obvious that one answer can never be right for everyone.
In fact, one of the deeply sad moments in my life came in the audience during one of the last speeches Dr. Benjamin Spock made before he died. He spoke of his frustration over the existence of so many very outdated copies of his often revised Baby and Child Care. He knew that he was being followed and quoted as the expert who had given specific advice that he later realized was erroneous. Over time he had continually revised his opinions based on new information and his own growth as a human being. He apologized to those of us who had been raised by parents who'd used those old books as gospel! The single piece of advice he was the most emphatic about was, "Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do."
These days, there are some columnists and authors out there who present their opinions as The Right Way and even The Only Acceptable Way. The good news is that if we are Yogis we are already learning to turn within to listen to our very best advisor. Please don't ever follow a suggestion made by me or anyone else that doesn't feel right when you are being still with yourself. I don't know you and I don't know your child/ren, your family dynamics, circumstances, etc.
Some years ago, I went with one of my favorite yoga teachers to attend an all day workshop with one of her masters. The venerated yogi was 80 something years old and a gentle but commanding presence as she roamed through the large auditorium making adjustments. I became aware that my teacher, who was next to me, had come out of her posture into child's pose. As the master made her way toward us, I was having difficulty staying present for my self in my posture. I was not only anticipating what correction she might make to me, I was wondering what on earth she would say to my teacher and friend beside me. In a comforting, yet loud enough voice for all to hear, the master said, "Here is the best student in today's class because she listens to her own body and not to the teacher."
Earlier this year, my cousin called to ask if my three daughters would participate in her Wedding Party. My eldest, Claire (now 14) was delighted. My youngest, Natalie, 8, was beside herself with joy, "I've ALWAYS wanted to be in a wedding," she said in a way that made me laugh because her "always" seems so looong to her and so short to me. On the other hand, middle sister Joelle, 10, said no way. She's a tomboy who doesn't wear dresses and she doesn't like being the center of attention. My cousin, Jennifer, bless her, was fine. She was not married to any preconceived picture in her mind of how the wedding party would/should look. She was happy with whatever made my girls happy.
The interesting comments came from others. They ranged from, "What a shame all three girls aren't in the wedding" to "You should have made Joelle be in the wedding." To the former, I said, "The shame would have been if she did it to please others when she knew it would not make her happy." To the latter, I said, "Gee, you know, if I can make her do things she's really not comfortable doing, later she'll be more likely to let her peers talk her into things that she feels uncomfortable about." To all, I said, "I am so proud of Joelle because she knows exactly who she is and she won't do what makes her squeamish just to please anyone, even me."
I am awed every day by my role as mother to these three precious goddesses-in-training. I know for sure that the universe gave me three daughters (despite my occasional longing for a son) because there is so much I learn from not being able to draw gender-based conclusions. As infants and youngsters Claire was "all boy" and Joelle was the feminine one. Now Joelle is all sports all the time and Claire prefers not to perspire. I used to say that Claire leaped before she looked and Joelle needed to look for a week before considering a step. Puberty has made Claire more cautious and athleticism has made Joelle more of a risk taker.
So I have to remember never to write in stone what I see in or expect from my children, and I am always delighted when they surprise me. Which they do often.
I love you girls, I hope you will enjoy this new venture of mommy's.
Suzy Garfinkle Chevrier is a single mother, has practiced yoga on and off for over 25 years with a daily practice for the past 8 years and as a yoga teacher for two years. She is the founder and president of The Parenting Project, an international nonprofit organization promoting the inclusion of parenting preparation, relationship skills and empathy development embedded in the school curriculum grades K-12. (www.parentingproject.org)
